Let me explain!

By Bundi Kiambi

The photos on the internet,
Yeah that’s me babe,
But it’s not what it looks like.
Here’s what happened.

Kioko gave me a call, you know Kioko right?
He had news,
You know his cousin’s best friend?
The one with a cleft lip?
You know he’s practically family, right?
Well he was born a day like yesterday,
And I couldn’t miss his birthday for the world.

When you called I couldn’t pick up.
Because I was making my speech.
That photo of me holding the white ladies’ ass? 
It’s not what it looks like,
Unless you think I was weary and needed a place to lay my hand on,
Then it’s what it looks like.
Because you know me babe, you know how I am with speeches.
You know I get a little carried away when emotions engulf me.
I needed to hold onto something, I needed support babe.
She was so kind to me.

That trending video of me on the couch?
Oh that’s me I don’t deny it.
But you see babe,
It’s not what it looks like,
Unless you think she had accidentally slipped,
And fallen on my lap, arms around my neck,
Then it’s what it looks like.
Because the floor babe,
You should have seen the slippery floor,
And how hard a fall she could have had,
Had I not been there to hold her.
Look at her face. It’s priceless right?
She’s overjoyed because I saved her life.

Yes that’s me on the table in this picture.
It looks like I’m dancing, but I’m not.
Funny pic, right?
Well here’s an even funnier story.
Did I ever mention I suffer from musophobia, the fear of rats?
I didn’t tell you?, Huh silly me. Well now you know.
So I felt this soft rub on my heel and I had to hop onto the table,
I know you can’t see any rat around but I couldn’t risk it.
The beer in my hand,
Its the only weapon I could grab in the heat of the moment.
Haha… see the grin on my face, that’s not an actual laugh.
I’m wearing a silly smile to hide the terror that had engulfed me.

Also, that’s me in that last photo.
Soaked in a red fluid,
Oh you think that’s blood?
Haha, girl you are wrong… Look closely.
That’s wine babe,
The wine flow red last night.
You know how people pop champagne?
Well I was standing right in front when the Cork flew open!
And out came a thrush of red liquid, washing over my face.
The guys pulling on my shirt were trynna get me out of the way.
And the guy with a clenched fist pointed at me,
That is kiokos’ Cousin’s best friend.
He’s in such a celebratory mood isn’t he?

Published by Bundikiambi

"GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons." Desiderata

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